A Modern Tantra Guide for Singles
Dating is a peculiar thing we have decided to do as a species.
You sit across from someone you barely know, perhaps with a glass of wine between you, and attempt to determine whether this person might eventually press their lips against yours, meet your family, share your deepest fears, and possibly help you decide which refrigerator to buy.
Meanwhile, you are both discussing your last Netflix binge.
It is a lot.
And somewhere inside all of this is a person who genuinely wants connection.
That is the part conscious dating tries to point out.
What Is Conscious Dating?
Conscious dating is dating with awareness. It means paying attention not only to whether someone likes you, but to what happens inside you when you’re with them. It means becoming curious about attraction, desire, boundaries, compatibility, communication, and the patterns you tend to repeat when romance enters the picture.
This is also where conscious dating and Modern Tantra have quite a lot to say to each other.
Modern Tantra isn’t simply about sex. At its heart, Tantra is about presence.
And dating, as it turns out, gives us plenty to become awake to.
The Attention Factor
Conscious dating means bringing intention to something we often do almost entirely on instinct.
There is nothing wrong with instinct. Attraction should contain a little mystery. Nobody wants to approach a first kiss with the analytical intensity of someone reviewing a mortgage agreement.
But our instincts aren’t always as mysterious as they appear.
We have patterns.
We are attracted to certain qualities. We respond to certain emotional dynamics. Conscious dating begins when you start noticing these patterns.
Instead of simply asking, Is this person attractive?, you might also notice:
How does my body feel around this person?
Am I comfortable being myself?
Am I curious about who this person actually is, or am I already imagining who they might become?
Can I communicate what I want?
Am I attracted or am I activated?
Conscious Dating and Modern Tantra: Where Do They Meet?
Modern Tantra offers practices for becoming more aware of your internal experience.
Your breath. Your body. Your desire. Your emotional responses. Your boundaries. Your capacity for pleasure. Your ability to remain present with another person without losing contact with yourself.
Those are also extraordinarily useful dating skills.
Because dating has a funny way of pulling our attention completely outside ourselves.
Does she like me?
Why hasn’t he texted?
Was that date good?
What did she mean by that?
Should I wait two hours before responding so I appear to have a rich and interesting life?
You do have a rich and interesting life. You can just answer the text.
The crossover between conscious dating and Tantra happens when some of that attention comes back into your own experience.
Tantra asks: What is happening right now?
Not what happened in your last relationship.
Not what might happen six months from now.
Not what this person’s dating profile appears to promise.
Right now.
That kind of presence can make dating both more grounded and, interestingly, more sensual.
How Does Tantra Make You a Better Dater?
Being a good dater isn’t the same thing as being good at getting dates.
You can become very good at dating apps, witty messages, attractive photographs, and first-date conversation without becoming particularly good at intimacy.
Modern Tantra approaches the matter from another direction. Rather than teaching you how to perform attractiveness, it can help you become more present, embodied, communicative, and comfortable with desire.
That tends to make you more attractive anyway, which is slightly annoying considering how much effort we’ve all put into everything else.
Presence has its own magnetism.
Tantra for Singles Is About More Than Finding Someone
There can be enormous pressure around being single.
Even in a culture that celebrates independence, romantic partnership still gets treated as evidence that you have successfully completed some invisible adulthood requirement.
You have found someone.
Congratulations.
Your paperwork is complete.
Tantric philosophy offers a different way of understanding relationship. Your capacity for love, pleasure, sensuality, connection, and aliveness does not begin when another person arrives. Those qualities already exist within you.
Modern Tantra coaching for singles can involve developing a deeper relationship with your body, strengthening boundaries, exploring desire, increasing emotional awareness, and learning to communicate more authentically.
This matters because a relationship cannot sustainably give you something you have completely abandoned within yourself.
If you want honesty, practice honesty.
If you want presence, cultivate presence.
If you want someone who respects your boundaries, become intimately familiar with your boundaries.
If you want desire, become curious about your own desire.
Then dating becomes less about convincing someone to provide a missing piece of your life and more about discovering what becomes possible between two whole people.
Explore Tantra Coaching for Singles with The Davon Method
If you want to explore conscious dating, intimacy, embodiment, and relationships more deeply, The Davon Method offers modern Tantra and relationship coaching for singles and couples in San Francisco and throughout the Bay Area.
The Davon Method is a Tantra relationship center in San Francisco and the Bay Area helping people create more conscious, connected, and fulfilling relationships.
Call 415-308-9580 for more information or schedule a free love consultation today.
