In my experience a great love story includes some kind of seduction
Sometimes people don’t like the word seduction, particularly when it is interpreted as something akin to being manipulated into doing something you didn’t want to do. I looked up the word just now and there are lots of those types of definitions. That is not what I mean.
Seduction in the true sense of the word in my experience, is more of a dance. It has more to do with paying so much attention to someone and what they want, being aware of what their fears are, and dancing with them as they move back and forth toward and away from what they want, with the intention of the person having what they want.
Erwan’s and my love story is full of dance. Forward, backwards, sideways, upside down! It all started when I was in grad school studying to become a therapist. I was almost done with my Masters Program and was becoming more and more interested in working in the field of female sexuality. A close friend of mine had met Erwan and experienced The Pleasure Course not long before, and she said, “You need to meet this guy Erwan, he leads this weekend thing called The Pleasure Course and it is all about spirituality and sex and orgasm and romance and well, I just think you will like him!”
“Say no more”, I said. “Take me to him!”
She brought me to a gathering at his place a few days later and I was, as my friend anticipated, SUPER attracted to him. From his smile to his voice all the way down to his cute judo pants and black Uggs. However, I was kinda in another relationship at the time that was on its way out and couldn’t really do anything about my attraction to Erwan at that point so long story short, we went our own ways. But a seed was planted.🌱
A few months later, we reunited unexpectedly at a retreat where we were both participants. I remember walking into the kitchen on the first morning of the course and seeing Erwan sitting at the table eating breakfast and I was all at once shocked, terrified, excited and I wanted to scream- WHAT ARE YOU DOING HERE! Oh man, at that moment I had a feeling my life was about to change.
So I spent the weekend completely flirting with Erwan. The retreat included lots of opportunities for that- eye gazing exercises, dance breaks, free time to connect with people, and I unleashed it!. There was no question I was interested.
When the retreat was over and it was time to go back to the city, Erwan came right up to me and said, “Hey, that was fun, how about we get coffee in the city sometime this week?”
And I, in a knee jerk reaction, looked at him like he was crazy and said, “Uh, sure, maybe”, in a flat tone. Was I crazy? Well, maybe a little, but I was SCARED. He was really THERE. I couldn’t hide.
What happened next blew my mind. He said, “OK. When you are ready, here’s my number.” Not missing a beat. Total confidence. WALKED AWAY. I was speechless, like WHAT! You aren’t going to keep trying? I almost followed him out of the room! But I was essentially paralyzed in shock so that didn’t happen.
This is seduction, folks. Erwan was paying attention. I was attracted to him, sending him signals, so he approached. Then, when I got scared and pulled away, he, friendly-ly but promptly, moved away. Didn’t push an agenda. But didn’t shy away. Went in the direction l was going. Which allowed me to FEEL my own experience and also feel my desire, instead of having to ward off unwanted attention.
The rest of our story (to be continued here soon, as I DID indeed call him) and to this day is a dance of seduction, giving signals, paying attention, moving forward AND backward, desire, fear, all towards what we ultimately want. The things we contend with in that dance, from the masculine AND feminine position, include fear, attachment, doubt. And what happens when you can move beyond those experiences vs letting them stop you. Seduction and flirting are critical skills in a relationship. They make it fun. They are really practices and a play of desire and attention. And they can be learned.