Erwan and I were hanging in our bedroom. He was doing yoga, I was on my laptop. I was leaving in a few minutes for a yoga class. We were chatting, relaying logistical information about the rest of the day, who is with our son when etc. I closed my laptop, got my purse, slipped on my flip flops and went over to kiss him goodbye. “Have a good afternoon, love!” I said, and he returned the sentiment.
As I was walking out, my mind flashed to having some sensual fun with him. The thought was less than half a second but went something like, Image…. Then “Ooooh that would be fun to do. But I am on my way out. Maybe later, definitely tomorrow”.
I was walking out the gate and got a text from him. It said, “Come back for a bit ” That text meant only one thing. We were going to have some fun. AND if it meant the 2nd thing, it meant that he read my mind.
I went in and he and I lay on the bed. I said, “You read my mind”. He said, “Yes, I felt that while you were walking out”.
As I was driving to yoga after a great time, I was thinking about how in my work I see that so many women (or the feminine) want men (or the masculine) to read their minds and know what they want without them having to say it. And many men want to know what women are really thinking and what they really want. Being in a relationship where things like this happen on a regular basis, I thought about what the exact elements are in a relationship that has that happen.
It comes down to 2 things. Paying attention and Communication. Throughout our relationship, Erwan has paid so much attention to me and the things I ask for, the things I want but don’t always ask for, my moods, my cycles, the looks in my eye and what they mean, etc, etc. There has been a lot of trial and error! But pretty much, he can tell what I am thinking and wanting, or if he is confused or in mystery, he knows to ask. That is paying attention. I, in turn, have faith that he wants to know and am way more inclined to share.
Most women have to “train” their partners to know what they want. There isn’t a magical mind-reading skill that some men have and others don’t just by nature. Men that have deliberately developed their attentiveness to women have a leg up for sure, and Erwan is one of those men. But any man can learn to pay attention and eventually “know” things, anticipate things, understand the subtext of what is being said, etc. Communication is key.
From the woman’s/feminine perspective, saying what you want, out loud, nicely, as soon as you know that you want it, educates and trains him to pay attention and listen and know. This was not natural for me at first. I had a real propensity of (and still sometimes fall into) doubting myself, not wanting to be too much, not wanting to inconvenience. It took a lot of trial and error to finesse this skill. If you do the work to build this skill, eventually it becomes the type of situation where he/the masculine is paying such good attention that they can feel you thinking something, and then take an action immediately to show that they know what you want, which creates such a nice virtuous circle of validation, connection, and pleasure.